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Real Relationships Aren’t Always Pretty

Sometimes in our attempts to foster healthy relationships we can get a little avoidant of conflict. Or unforgiving of someone saying the wrong thing or even having an intention we don’t agree with. In our discomfort (or downright dismay) we can get to a place of second guessing whether we should stay connected.

But here’s the deal – real relationships get messy at times.

No relationship exists without taking interpersonal risks and breakdowns. When things go south that doesn’t mean it’s not repairable. Even healthy relationships with a strong sense of safety will have these moments. That’s a given.

What’s not always a given is the effort to repair it. That requires courage and vulnerability.

Taking responsibility where appropriate. Hearing the other person out. Sincerely connecting with one’s own feelings while staying connected to the other person’s experience through the discomfort. Being willing to hold the possibility of being in a better relational place while sorting through the pain of the breakdown.

Real relationships – the ones that impact us in profound and beautiful ways include all of this. Even if that repair is messy – that’s ok – it can be repaired too.

And sometimes, repair just seems like the most foreign concept. This is where therapy can be really helpful as the therapeutic relationship can give you a safe felt experience of repair – feeling with is at the heart of it.

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Natalia Amari, lcsw

On a mission to help others overcome trauma and reclaim their personal power.

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